Mess

It’s all a bit of a mess.

Physical stuff is a mess –

We went on holiday for two weeks and I thought that maybe there were some magical house and garden cleaning fairies who would come when we were away… but no! Alas! they do not exist. Since both my hubby and me work full time, then look after our son, then fall over from tiredness the state of everything has only got worse since our return!

The garden is like a unkempt wildlife sanctuary and I think my neighbours are a little bit angry (based on the comment I received the other day “I can’t get into my car as your branches are growing into my driveway”. I politely apologised and said I’d do something about it ASAP… what I wanted to say is “can’t you see I’ve got a 14 month toddler and I’m full time working – branches are not my current priority!!!!! !”)

My head is a mess –

Since returning to work from my holiday I’ve managed to go into work on 5 out of 7 days. Which isn’t too bad considering. Although my boss thinks I’m having a breakdown. Which I probably am to be fair.

I keep thinking I’m “over it” or should be “over it” (the miscarriage).  When I’m at work it doesn’t affect me, I do my job, cope with the pressures and keep up with my tasks. However on some mornings (2 out of 7 so far) I just can’t face going to work. I just want to stay in bed, eat chocolate and watch films. Oh and cry. Yep the crying is great.

I know I need to pull myself together, and on some mornings I’ve done just that. On some mornings I hop out of bed and get to work…. and bosh! the day zooms by. But then its morning again and sometimes its hard to repeat and squash down the overwhelming emotions that I’m still feeling.

I’m not really sleeping which is not helping things. The doctor has given me some short term sleeping tablets but they make me feel really sick so I’m not too keen on them. I tried to talk to my boss about it today and just cried at her – she said that she is going to look for some support for my job to “take the pressure off” and ensure that there is “business continuity”. I’m not sure what that means but now I’m worrying about it so it makes it even worse. I hope I don’t get fired! That certainly would not help…. eek!

On the fertility front we’re good to go for our last FET (one more embryo left) as soon as I have another “natural” period. Which may not be for a few months, but at least it gives me some time to get out of this mess xxx

messy


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