To my Angels

*trigger warning

The last week has been one of the toughest yet. The tears, grieving and tiny bit of hope mixed in has literally done my head in. Scan today confirmed the worst after my suspected missed miscarriage last week… our little embryo died at about 6 weeks but my body just hasn’t realised it yet.

I’m numb. I truly didn’t think this would happen – I thought maybe the frozen blastocyst wouldn’t defrost correctly, or the drugs wouldn’t prepare me and we’d have to cancel this cycle, or it wouldn’t implant. I never thought we’d get a BFP and then this.

Now its waiting 2 and a bit weeks for me to miscarry naturally, if not then some drugs or D&C. More waiting…

I wrote this poem about halfway through last week when I felt my pregnancy symptoms fading and my heart knew the worst. I thought I’d share. All my love to all, I’m sure I’ll be back here soon, for now I need a bit of a break xx

 

I couldn’t wait to meet you

I longed for your embrace

to see that first sweet smile

on your tiny little face

 

I dreamt a long full life for you

I imagined the fun and games

the hugs, the tears and love

the giggles and nicknames

I know I’ll never meet you

but to us, for a while, you were real

you’ll always be in our hearts

you’re there in the love we feel

The little life that never really started

the little hand I never got to touch

the little heart that is no longer beating

the little person I would have loved so much

 

Something went wrong somewhere

This time it wasn’t meant to be

I’ll remember you for ever

my beautiful angel baby xx


10 thoughts on “To my Angels

  1. Oh hun i’ve just sobbed and sobbed 😦 I’ve come back to the world of wordpress and the first blog I read is yours.
    I am so so sorry. I’m heartbroken for you. I’m only a message away and i’m on facebook so know that you can always pop me a note if you feel like you need to talk
    xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. ah I’m sorry that you came back to wordpress to read such a sad post! Thanks for your kind words, I’m slowly getting there – giving myself time to properly grieve and recover xxx

      Like

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