How am I feeling? A good mix of scared & excited at the moment… and nothing really has happened yet!
Well, I say nothing has happened – we’ve made the decision that we are ready to start IVF again and try for a second child.
While I was pregnant, and after having our son a lot of people said that being pregnant and having a baby can “reset” your body. Part of me believed that I might become one of those lucky women who do go on to have babies naturally, and I’ll never have to go through the rollercoaster of fertility treatment again. Unfortunately that’s not the case for me – there’s been no sign at all of “aunt flo” and I’ve not been breastfeeding for a long while now. BUT I’m taking it positively where I can and trying to look at the plus points…
1) going for a second child is definitely a choice rather than a “lets see” so we know we are ready and can plan as far as it is possible
2) we can ensure that we can afford to have another baby, nothing tests your bank account quite like thousands of pounds worth of treatment and a nearly-toddler eating and destroying everything in sight!
Sometimes it’s pretty hard to see those plus points when you have friends that only have to have their partners wink at them to spontaneously become pregnant – keeping that smile plastered on your face when you hear them tell about how they conceived the first time they had unprotected sex… then going home later to cry hysterically into a pillow. Yup that still happens!
I am a bit worried about going through treatment with my son in tow, I remember how I felt last time – the emotions mainly rather than any side effects. I hope he will keep me grounded through it.
I am very worried about the outcome – just because we were successful once doesn’t mean we will be again, and from what I have read the success rates for frozen embryo transfer aren’t as good (if that’s what we do). Whatever happens, I know we will cope with what life throws at us.
I’ve had a mixed response from the few family & friends I’ve told so far. Some are excited and have offered a lot of support – from others I’ve had responses such as “you were lucky to have one, surely that’s enough for you…”. My initial emotional response to these people wants to be to tell them to just F off and shove their opinions up themselves (ahem slightly censored as my dad might be reading this! Hi dad 🙂 )
I’m firmly for people being able to choose if they want zero, one, two, three, five or fifteen kids! (or more if they can hack it… good luck to them!) We ideally want our little boy to have a brother or sister, and want to do our best to make that happen.
So here we are – appointment made to see the consultant, funds in the bank account and nervously awaiting the next steps. Let’s see what happens xx